All That I Am
by TrueLoveAlways16
Summary: Ashley's life was anything but perfect,until she met Sam;She soon discovered what loving someone really means.What happened when she got that dreaded phone call?Taylor was dying;Will Ashley destroy the relationship she has with Sam to save her sister?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Happy Thanksgiving everyone! : ) So, this new story is a redo of 18 Days basically. I didn't like the way I had skipped the very beginning of their stories, so for the past few days I've worked on this. Hope you like it, it's about 8 pages long. : ) I don't own Sam or Dean, or any of the Supernatural characters. I do own Ashley, Taylor, and whomever you don't know. I don't own the song either!**

_**Someday soon,**_

_**I'm gonna pull myself together,**_

_**Win or lose,**_

_**I'm starting over again..**_

** -"Starting Over" by Salvia**

Chapter 1: Starting Over

My Dad once told me that life is full of choices. Bad ones, good ones... they all lead to the person you become. I was 18 years old when I left my only family. Maybe I should have stayed, but I knew that I was better off for leaving. I figured that Taylor would resent me for this, but she didn't know what it was like for me. She didn't understand what I was going through when I was with Dad and her.

My father was a simple man. He liked three things: beer, hunting down the demon that took my mother's life, and beating me. Only, Taylor didn't know about the latter of the three. He kept it a secret, as did I. Taylor was my big sister and I loved her... but she didn't get that our father was basically equivalent to one of the monsters that we hunt. In my eyes, he was as evil as evil can get and he _enjoyed_ watching me squirm. I put up with it for 18 years before finally I got my ticket out of that Hellhole.

Oh. In case you were wondering, I'm Ashley Nicole Harding.

My acceptance letter from Stanford couldn't have come at a better time. My father was abusing me more than usual and Taylor was bitching about how she didn't have a car. I loved my sister, believe me, but sometimes she just didn't know how good she got it. Taylor was, obviously, my father's favorite child. He thought that she was heaven sent because she was a much better hunter than I ever would have been.

I sighed as I sat my bags on the ground. I looked up and smiled. Finally, the place I was meant to be. Stanford. Nothing could bring me down now. So, this is what starting over _really_ felt like. I took a deep breath; I couldn't stop grinning. For months I had dreamt about going to Stanford and now it was finally happening.

I made my way to my apartment, which I had managed to find a roommate to split the cost. I made a mental note to check out the on-campus jobs. I opened the door to my apartment and sighed. It was tiny, even tinier than the motel rooms I've been accustomed to living in since the age of four. I put my bags on my sofa, which the landlord was nice enough to throw in. I didn't bother looking at the rest of the apartment. I needed to get my schedule for classes.

As I locked the apartment and made my way to campus, I briefly wondered what my roommate would be like. I hoped she wasn't a classic neat freak. After getting lost, several times, I managed to find where I could sign up for classes.

I looked through the list of the classes. After several minutes, I finally decided to research which ones would be best and come back later. Being the classic nerd I am, I was reading over the information of the classes and accidently ran into someone.

I groaned as I tumbled to the ground. _Way to be classy, Ash._

"I'm so sorry," I exclaimed, "I was reading and not watching where I was going—"

"It's okay, I was doing the same thing."

And that's about the time when I noticed this boy was cute. I don't just mean, 'oh, he's pretty'. I'm not superficial or anything, but this boy was _hot_. Yeah, and I got accepted into an ivy league school, go figure. He had gorgeous hazel eyes, brown hair, and was ridiculously tall.

He reached his hand out to help me up and I realized that I ran into him and yet _I _was the only one who fell over. I blushed and took his hand.

"Well, I should probably—" We said at the same time.

I laughed and said, "See you around."

I gave him a small wave before walking towards the library. I was mentally kicking myself, but I couldn't help it. I looked over my shoulder and saw him staring right back at me. I blushed and kept on walking.

It was around five o'clock when I got out of the library. My stomach grumbled in complaint of me forgetting about lunch. I frowned to myself as I reached into my purse to get my wallet. Crap. I didn't bring my purse. I sighed and made my way towards my apartment.

I put my key into the lock of my apartment just as the door swung open.

"Whoa." I exclaimed and jumped at the sight of a girl opening the door of my apartment.

"Oh," the girl exclaimed, "Ashley?"

I looked at her, a little creeped out that she knew my name, "uhh-"

"It's me, Jessica Moore. We went to middle school together in '96." Jessica exclaimed with a grin on her face.

"Jessica!" I grinned and pulled her into a hug.

In 1996, Dad, Taylor and I moved to Palo Alto just a few months into my 7th grade year. I met Jessica and we instantly became best friends. When I had to move again, just a few months later, Jessica and I vowed to keep in touch. It didn't happen, my dad had made sure of that.

"Let's go to lunch!" Jess exclaimed.

I laughed and followed her out the door.

Turns out, I had missed Jessica more than I thought. It had been several years since I moved from Jessica's hometown, but I felt like we were back in middle school.

"I can't believe you were a cheerleader!" Jessica laughed, making me blush.

"It was freshman year, I wanted to fit in." I explained shyly.

I smiled as Jessica told me what all she had been up to over the past few years. In the middle of the story, I saw past Jessica and right at... that boy from earlier today. I nodded at Jessica to let her know that I was listening, even though I really wasn't. Not at all. The boy was buying his lunch, too, it seemed. He paid with cash and sat at a nearby table. I blushed as he looked up and almost caught me staring.

"-then monkeys came and took over the entire high school. It was different, but they made school a lot more tolerable." Jessica was saying.

"That's hilarious." I said and took a sip of my water.

Jessica rolled her eyes, "You haven't been listening to a word I was saying. I saw that boy you were looking at. He's cute."

I gawked in embarrassment as Jessica took a bite of her hamburger.

"What boy? I wasn't looking at any boy." I tried to be nonchalant, but Jessica saw right through it.

"Mmhm. Sure you weren't. What's his name?" Jessica was smirking.

I groaned, "I don't know. We ran into each other today."

_And I haven't stopped thinking about him since_, I sighed to myself.

"Dude," Jessica exclaimed, "you're totally in love with him!"

"Shut up! I am _not_!" I protested and told her to be quiet, "He might hear you."

"Maybe he needs to so he can get up the balls to ask you out." Jess said loudly, causing people to look at us.

"Jess," I whined, "I've missed you and all but come on. Let's talk about you. How's your brother doing?"

"Nice subject change. Very subtle," Jess laughed, "He's doing great—if you don't stop staring at that boy, I'm going to rip those pretty little eyes of yours out of your head."

I blushed, "Sorry. I'll listen this time..."

Jess gave me a look, "I promise!" I exclaimed with a laugh.

Although it was a challenge, I actually did listen to Jessica. I let out a laugh and realized that starting over wasn't so bad.

"Come on, Ash. It's the first party of the school year!" Jessica whined, "You have to go."

I rolled my eyes, "Uh, no. I don't. You're just whining because you want to go meet hot guys and I just want to lounge around eating ice cream and watch _Golden Girl _reruns."

Jessica grinned, "_Someone_'s a little upset that mystery man didn't come over during lunch the other day."

"I am _not_." I whined, putting another spoonful of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough into my mouth, "Besides, he's probably fallen in love with some other girl by now. It's already been three weeks."

Jessica rolled her eyes, "Stop being so melodramatic. You've moped long enough. Let's go to this party and meet hot guys!"

I sighed, "I—"

"I promise not to talk about mystery man while we're there." Jessica bribed, obviously crossing her fingers behind her back.

Oh, what the hell.

I groaned, "Fine, fine. I'll go."

Jessica squealed and said, "Make-over time!"

I groaned louder, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into.

The party seemed like it had been going on for hours before me and Jess got there. There were guys doing belly shots off of half-naked girls and girls making out with other girls.

I looked at Jess with a face and she sighed and yelled over the music, "Just give it a chance, Ash. You look great; I look great. Let's have some fun!"

I just nodded and followed her to get a beer. That's when I saw Mystery Man. He was using his hands as he told some sort of joke. I found it to be really cute, especially when his dimples showed when he started laughing.

"Stop creeping." Jess said and handed me a beer.

"I wasn't doing anything." I replied quickly and took a large sip of beer.

"Whatever you say," Jess laughed and winked at some guy she had obviously been flirting with.

"Go." I smiled.

Jess looked at me, innocently, "What?"

"Go get your flirt on, I'll be fine." I laughed and pushed her to the guy.

Jess laughed and did as I said. I watched her flirt for a minute and laughed. I took another sip of beer as I looked around the party.

"You come here often, sweet cheeks?"

I flinched as some guy came up behind me. _Creeper, much?_

"Uh... yeah. I go to school here." I replied, looking at him like he was an idiot; he was obviously a drunken perv who liked to hit on freshman girls.

"Well," his words were getting more slurred by the second, "it's rare to see a angel so far away from heaven."

Then he smirked like had just given me the best pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines. I almost gagged.

"Sorry, buddy, it's not gonna happen." I smirked and patted him on the chest in mock sadness.

I started to walk away when the creepy guy pulled me back. He held onto my arm and tightened his grip.

"Uh, _Ow_. Let me go." I exclaimed.

"Not a chance," the creeper growled, "you. Me. Upstairs. What do you say?"

"As appealing as that sounds, I believe I said let me go." I growled back, not liking this guy at all.

The guy held on tighter and tears started to form in my eyes. This guy just wouldn't let go. Memories of my dad filled my mind as I tried to fight creeper dude off of me.

"Just let me go!" I cried, tears slowly running down my face.

I couldn't go all Kung Fu on this asshole in front of everybody without a logical excuse, so I tried playing the damsel in distress. No one could hear me over the loud music playing and I was _so close _to kicking this loon in the balls.

"I think she said to let her go." A voice said from behind me.

I couldn't see anything anymore, the tears taking over. Great. Wait a minute, I recognized that voice. Mystery man!

"I don't think so," the creeper slurred, "She's all mine. Get lost."

I started to cry harder because this was really bringing up bad memories.

"Alright then."

Just when mystery man started to walk away, and I thought I was a goner, mystery man pulled back his hand and punched creeper right in the face. Creeper fell hard onto the ground, finally releasing my arm from his grip. I held onto my arm. Dude had a strong grip.

"Thank you," I muttered trying to get the tears to go away so I could at least _see_ mystery man's gorgeous face.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry that dude was such a jackass."

I let out a watery laugh, "It wasn't your fault. Yeah, I think I'll get feeling back in my arm at some point."

"Let's go put some ice on it." He suggested, putting his hand on the small of my back and let me lead towards the kitchen.

I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach that erupted when he touched me. Unfortunately, he moved his hand off of my back and opened the freezer door.

I sighed and sat on a bar stool, still holding my arm.

"I don't even know your name," I blurted, "I mean..."

Mystery man smirked and handed me a towel wrapped in ice, "Sam Winchester."

"Oh." I took the ice and carefully put it on my arm.

"Yours?" Mystery man—err, Sam, asked with a grin.

I looked up at him and smirked, "Ashley Harding. Thanks again for the rescue back there. He was really creepy."

Sam smiled, "No problem, seriously."

Neither of us said anything for a few seconds.

"Ashley Nicole, if you're not out there dancing with a hot guy- what the hell happened?"

I looked and saw Jessica with the guy she was flirting with in the kitchen doorway.

"Nothing, Jess." I smiled, praying it was convincing.

Jess rolled her eyes, "Wanna try the truth? Your mascara is still running."

I look in the toaster and gasped, "I look like a raccoon!"

Jess smirked, "Ohhh. Mystery Man."

I glared at Jess as Sam asked, "Who?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, "Sam this is Jess, my roommate, Jess this is Sam. He saved me from a creepy dude trying to get some."

"Nice to meet you," Sam smiled.

"You too. Oh, that's always good," Jess smirked then frowned, "You okay, Ash?"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm fine. Good as new."

I tried to pretend like my arm was feeling better by moving it around but it was kind of a fail.

"Ow," I muttered under my breath.

"Maybe we should go home." Jess frowned as she saw the swelling of my arm, "or the emergency room."

"You're worrying too much," I rolled my eyes, "I'll be fine. Go dance."

Jess frowned and opened her mouth when Sam interrupted her, "I'll keep her company."

Jess smirked, "Alright."

Jess and her man went out to the 'dance floor' as I looked at Sam.

"You don't have to sit here, you know." I smiled and patted Sam's arm.

I blushed and started to pull my hand away, but Sam put his hand on mine.

"It's okay, really, I wanted to." Sam smiled, causing me to blush, "besides, you're much better company than those idiots."

I smirked, "You were having a good time with them."

Sam shrugged, "Maybe, but I'm having a _great_ time with you. Well, besides the fact of your arm."

I looked at my arm and realized the swelling had gone down a little.

"Look! It's not all huge!" I said excitedly.

Sam laughed, "I see that."

That's about the time I realized he still had my hand under his. I blushed with a grin on my face.

"So, Ashley Harding," Sam grinned, "tell me something I don't know about you."

I snorted, and then pointed out the obvious, "You don't know anything about me."

Sam laughed, "Not true. I know you hate creepy guys and that your name is Ashley. Your middle name is Nicole."

I laughed, "My bad. You do know _some_ things about me. I bet you didn't know I can sing."

Sam's surprised expression made me laugh, "You can? That's cool."

I nodded, "Yeah. So, Sam, what're you majoring in?"

Sam and I ended up talking for over two hours, when most of the party had died down. People were passed out all over the place.

"Wow. There's creeper dude by the window." I laughed.

Sam looked and let out a laugh. Creeper was leaning against the window with his face smudged against it. I grinned, somehow Sam already had a hold on me and I had only known him for a short amount of time.

"Just leave me alone, you jerk!"

I froze and heard Jess arguing with that guy she had been so fond of a few hours ago.

"Jess," I muttered and got up.

I walked into the living room and saw Jess on the ground holding her cheek.

I angrily walked up to the guy, "What the hell did you do?"

The guy shrugged, "I didn't do anything."

I snorted, "Yeah, right. Jess, what'd he do?"

Jess sniffled and said, "He.. he slapped me."

I growled, but someone got to the jackass first. Sam.

"Did you hit her?"

The guy shrugged and backed up, "I..."

"It's a yes or no question." I snapped.

The guy's eyes went wide when Sam glared at him. Sam was a tall and very muscular guy. He could whip this guy's ass in a matter of seconds. The jackass finally just ran out the door. I dropped to the floor by Jess.

"You want to go home?" I whispered.

Jess nodded with tears in her eyes. I sighed and helped her get up.

"We're gonna go." I whispered to Sam.

Sam nodded, "I'll walk you girls home."

I argued but Sam continued to insist and I could tell Jess really just wanted to be home. I caved and Sam walked us out of the party.

"Thanks for tonight, Sam. You really didn't have to walk us home." I said after Jess went inside.

Sam put his hands in his pockets and said, "Ashley, it really wasn't any trouble. I'm just glad your arm's doing better and Jessica is okay."

I smiled softly, "Thank you. I, uh, will see you soon then?"

"Coffee?" Sam asked then realized he didn't complete a sentence and blushed, "I meant to ask if you wanted to get some coffee sometime."

I laughed, "I'd love that, Sam. When?"

"How's tomorrow at around twelve? My first class isn't until two." Sam grinned.

"Twelve is perfect,"

Oh, boy. What had I gotten myself into?

"Goodnight, Ashley." He grinned.

I kissed his cheek, "Goodnight, Sam."

"Ashley? You're grinning like a lunatic. It's scaring me." Jess joked.

I sighed happily and sat down on the sofa with her, "Tonight was perfect."

Jess raised an eyebrow, "Besides you getting hit on by a creepy guy."

"And you getting slapped by an asshole," I replied, "how's your face?"

"How's your arm?" Jess retorted.

We both laughed and watched reruns of Golden Girls until we were both asleep on the couch.

_**AN: SO, I hope it wasn't lame or anything. I'm really excited to be starting this! : ) Review please! Btw, I'm starting to do videos (to put on YouTube) for these characters, so make sure to check out my YouTube. Happy Turkey Day! =]**_


	2. Chapter 2

All That I Am

Chapter 2

AN: I don't own anything, except the characters you don't recognize from the show! As for any mistakes, I apologize, I really just wanted to get another chap up!

_I jumped up, holding a hand to my head as my world started spinning. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I felt Sam's hands on my arms and him saying something, "Ashley, Ash... what is it? What's wrong?"_

_My head started pounding then and I let out a painful cry. Suddenly, I could feel everyone's feelings. I could hear everyone's thoughts. I didn't know what else to do. I let out another painful cry as I clenched my eyes closed._

"_Make it stop! Make it stop! Sam, help me! Help me!" I shrieked, throwing my hands to my head. The thoughts were becoming louder and louder. I could barely hear myself think. The only thing I could hear was people's thoughts. I just wanted it to stop. At the moment, it's all I could think about. People's problems, people's feelings. _

_ "Ashley, Ash look at me, look at me, damn it!"_

_Sam was panicking, I could tell. I didn't even have to look at him. I jumped into his arms and held on. _

"_Help me, Sam! Make it stop!" I looked at him as I pleaded, begged, bargained, sobbed. Anything to make the horrible pain stop. I just wanted to be put out of my misery. _

I woke up, barely being able to breathe. Jess was at the doorway with a horrible look on her face.

"What the hell?" Jess shrieked, eyes widened in terror, "That was some nightmare."

I swallowed, but couldn't manage to speak. I could still feel my pain from my nightmare and I let out a moan. Jess looked at me, worriedly. I knew what she was thinking.

"No doctor..." I barely managed, allowing my head to roll to the side of my pillow.

I could still tell Jess was in the room by the way she hovered over me, almost like a mother.

"You're getting sick, aren't you?" Jess muttered, putting a hand to my burning up forehead, "I'll call Sam and tell him-"

All of a sudden, I remembered. Sam. He was in my nightmare and he... _we_ were supposed to meet for coffee.

I set up straight in bed, "No! Don't cancel!"

I instantly regretted sitting up when my stomach rolled and my head spun. I put a hand over my mouth as I raced to the bathroom. I barely made it in time to empty my stomach.

"Yeah," Jess snorted as she made her way to the bathroom, "You're going to be up for coffee."

"I will," I managed, pulling my head out of the toilet, "Time?"

"Almost 8." Jess said, hovering in the doorway of the bathroom, playing nervously with her hands.

I stood up, after making sure I was done throwing up. I rinsed out my mouth and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit. I had dark circles under my eyes and a bruise on the bottom of my back that my shirt showed when it rose up. I quickly pulled it down, but had the feeling that Jess saw it anyway.

"I'm sure he'll understand, Ash." Jess put a hand on my back, "You're sick. Get back in bed. I'll call him."

I protested, "No, I don't want to cancel. I'll just try and get some sleep and then I'll be ready."

I swayed a little, but Jess held onto me as we made our way back to my bedroom. I made it to my bed and got under the sheets.

I glanced up at her and gave a weak smile. She knew I hated canceling last minute. Especially dates. Dad had never let me date while I was with them. Of course, he did anything for his favorite daughter, Taylor. My head was spinning from the aftermath of the nightmare and anger from never having a normal childhood.

"_You are a good for nothing little brat, you know that?"_

_Dad was drunk again and when he was drunk, he got angry. _

"_Daddy, please," I begged, my eyes already tearing up, "no more, I can't take it!"_

_My dad slapped me so hard I fell to the ground. I clutched my cheek and looked up at him. Soon enough, I would learn not to cry in front of him or beg him to stop. He usually gave up, eventually. This time, however, was different. Dad pulled out a large knife. I stared up at him, wide-eyed. I was only 10 at the time._

"_It's your birthday," Dad grinned evilly, "So I figured I'd give you something special."_

_He strapped me to a dirty table in the abandoned warehouse that wasn't too far from our crappy motel. He gagged me quickly, obviously excited. I didn't struggle against the ropes, I knew by now that this was it. This was how I was going to die. At only 10 years old, I would die by the hands of my father. I tried to not shake with fear, but I couldn't help it. I would never get to hold hands with that guy in my science class or go on a date. _

_ He walked around the table, glancing at me only to frighten me anymore. Except nothing he did ever surprised or frightened me anymore. I learned to expect a beating once a day, sometimes more. Little did I know that this would be the worse thing he ever did to me. I watched as he pulled out several objects and put them on a side table. My stomach was rolling with dread and anticipation. He was literally going to torture me this time. _

_My father grinned at me, holding up a large knife. _

"_You've always been a troublesome child, Ashley. When you were little and even now. You're so... troublesome." My father's eyes grew dark, causing me to squirm a little. _

_Without warning, he started slicing me hard and fast, leaving deep cuts on my body. The gag in my mouth silenced my screams. He mostly sliced my arms and legs. Places he knew people would see the scars and he would smile knowing that he did that to his child. I screamed and screamed, but eventually my voice gave out. _

"_I could just kill you right now," My father screamed, holding the knife to my throat._

_In my mind, I silently begged him to. Begged him to end it all right then. But I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't have the guts to tell Taylor. I let silent tears fall from my face, despite that I'd get more punishment if they actually hit the floor. I didn't care at that point; I just wanted to know one thing. Why did I deserve this?_

_My father tortured me for hours before finally letting me off the table. He didn't help me, obviously. He walked out as I tried to not pass out from my blood loss. Later on, dad would tell Taylor that I got beat up. And I wouldn't say anything._

I woke up, screaming and crying. I wanted him gone. Dead. Forever. After everything he put me through, I wanted him to suffer as much as he made me. I was punching my pillow when Jess walked in. I looked up at her and cried even harder. She quickly pulled me into a hug and I let her. Finally, when I calmed down, she asked, "Was that about..."

"My dad." I nodded, not believing that I told her the truth.

"What was it about?" She said softly, but the question brought back up my dream and my hands started to shake.

"My dad... beat me." I blurted, so unlike myself that it scared even me, "This one time, he tortured me real badly. He cut up my whole body, which is why I don't wear short sleeves or shorts. They aren't as bad anymore, though, my scars. They used to look rough."

Jess looked at me, exactly how I didn't want her to look at me. With sympathy. She kept on looking at me and It was making me nervous. My hands shook with nerves.

"How old were you?" She wasn't pushing, and I knew that. I wanted to tell her. In that moment, I wanted someone to know what I had been through.

I looked her in the eyes, "Ten."

She let out a cry and pulled me into a hug. We hugged for who knows how long, she let me cry and I let her cry for me.

"So you're really going to go to coffee?"

I smiled softly at my best friend; she was worried for me.

"Yes and I'll be fine." I told her, trying to convince myself as well.

I put on my mother's necklace and looked myself over in the mirror. I turned to Jess, "How do I look?"

"Beautiful!" Jess exclaimed, causing me to laugh, "I'm not kidding, Ash. You look great, but, um..."

I sighed, "What is it, Jess?"

"You shouldn't hide behind those clothes. Remember at that party when I made you dress up? All those guys were looking at you."

I snorted; while Jess was a good friend, I believed they were looking more at her than me.

"They probably saw all those scars and thought 'what a freak'" I said sadly, pulling on my long-sleeved shirt.

"Look at me," Jess was angry, I could tell so I looked up with wide-eyes, I hated confrontation, "you are not ugly, you hear me? And you're not a freak!"

"Thanks," I said, but even I could tell that I wasn't convinced by Jessica's words. I was self-conscious, thanks to my dear old dad. And I couldn't change that.

"I'm going, see you tonight?" I quickly picked up my purse and started walking to the door.

"Nope! Gotta date with Jason." Jessica was happy, I could tell. I was relieved when she let me change the subject.

I turned around and smiled at her softly, "Good! Have fun!"

Jess smiled at me, knowing that I had changed the subject on purpose.

"You too," Jess replied, grinning, "but not too much fun if you know what I mean!"

I blushed in embarrassment and waved before walking out the door. I couldn't even think about... bedroom activities now. I was still too self-conscious about myself. Especially my body. Nobody would want to be with me while I had all these ugly scars. I wrapped my arms around myself just thinking about it. I finally made it to the coffee shop and sat down in a booth. I couldn't get those nightmares out of my head.

By the time I made it to the café, I looked around, making sure that Sam hadn't gotten there before me. With a sigh of relief, I sat down in a corner booth and tried to calm down.

"You haven't been here for long, have you?"

I jumped, clutching my chest as I looked up with wide eyes, but I soon realized I wasn't about to get killed and sighed in relief as Sam slid into the other side of the booth.

"No," I breathed, "not long at all."

Sam grinned, "Good."

He mesmerized me. Sam, I mean. He seemed to have it all together; good looks, intelligent, funny, and nice. In high school, he was probably a football player who hung around cheerleaders all the time. Also raised in a loving household; maybe have a brother or sister who he was close to. I could see it. With that sudden realization, I thought about just how hard my life had been. Mother dead by the time I was six months old, abusive father. Taylor, my sister, was the only one I could turn to, but not really at the same time. She knew nothing of my beatings and I was sworn to secrecy. By now, my father had probably told her some ridiculous story about how I didn't love her and how all I had wanted was to get away from her.

"You okay?"

He looked worried, genuinely worried about me. I smiled softly, realizing that I should stay in the present and not worry about my past.

I nodded, determined to focus on him, "I'm good."

"So, what kind of coffee do you want? My treat," Sam smiled and it showed his dimples. They were adorable.

"You don't have to do that," I blushed, not used to being treated so nicely by anyone, much less a cute guy.

Sam laughed softly, looking at me with his deep, brown eyes, "I insist, Ashley."

"How do you know I'm not a feminist type?" I raised my eyebrow at him, attempting to look mad. I smirked as he blushed.

"Well, I, uh—"

"Kidding, Sam," I laughed, feeling content for the first time since my nightmares this morning, "just black, please."

"Black?" Sam raised his eyebrow, "That's disgusting."

"I like to add my own crème and sugar, okay? No judgment!" I pointed my pointer finger at him in playfulness.

"Okay, okay" Sam playfully raised his hands in surrender.

I smiled, watching as he got up and went to order our drinks. I felt normal with Sam. He made me feel like I was a person again. Only a few minutes later, Sam returned to the booth carrying both drinks.

"Thanks," I mumbled, taking my drink from him. I blushed as our hands barely touched.

"No problem," Sam smiled, looking right at me.

I blushed even more, taking a sip of my drink. I coughed a little, realizing I forgot to put in crème and sugar. Sam slid over the crème and sugar bowl, grinning.

"You're a mean person," I pouted, putting in a certain amount of crème and sugar into my coffee and stirring.

"I was just seeing how long it would take you to realize." Sam laughed, "but I'm sorry."

"Thank you. Now, I'm going to sue you for my pain and suffering." I joked, feeling almost human again.

Sam let out a laugh, "Go ahead, I'm pre-law, remember? I'm sure I can get out of it."

I sighed, having forgotten that he was pre-law, "Fine, fine. I won't sue. This time."

I tried to give him a menacing look, but it didn't pan out as planned. He just started laughing.

"So," I said, pausing as I took a sip of my coffee, "where'd you live before you moved here?"

"Texas, actually." He said, taking a sip of his coffee.

I raised by eyebrows, "Texas, hmm? That sounds pretty cool."

Sam laughed, "I'm glad you think so, because I moved from the smallest town known to man. The only thing to do there was go see a movie and the movies were the same every week."

"Oh, you poor baby," I teased, smiling as I did.

"What about you?" Sam turned the question on me and it made me nervous.

I just didn't like telling lies and basically that's what my whole life before this had consisted of. So, taking a deep breath in an attempt to gain confidence, I told the truth.

"Well, my family and I moved around a lot when I was growing up. I've been all over the U.S. practically." It felt good, telling the truth.

Sam looked surprised, "Really?"

I nodded, "My father's job mostly took us to different places."

"That sounds really interesting. What does your father do?"

I swallowed, knowing that I had to lie, "He... can we just not talk about my father?"

I looked down as I avoided the subject, yeah, I know, but I couldn't help it. Who _actually_ wants to talk about their abusive father on a first date? Not me.

"Sure," Sam smiled softly, making me look up at him with a sigh of relief, "so, any siblings?"

I nodded, I didn't really want to talk about Taylor either, but I knew I couldn't avoid both subjects.

"I have a sister. Her name's Taylor and she's a troublemaker. She gets into all these messes and I usually have to bail her out of them." Sam let out a laugh and I had to laugh along, because just thinking of her I realized how true it was, "She's about four years older than me, but we usually get along."

_Probably because she doesn't know most of what I've been through._

"She sounds like a handful," Sam laughed.

I nodded, laughing, "This one time she got caught spray-painting the side of the school and somehow, she managed to convince them that it was really me who convinced her to do it. I don't know how she did it, but I served like a month's worth of detention. It was _awful_!"

Sam laughed and I playfully glared at him, "It's not funny! I had to clean the boy's bathrooms. Boys are _disgusting_."

This made him laugh even harder and I finally just rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm sorry," Sam finished with a final laugh, "it was too funny,"

"I could tell," I rolled my eyes again, but smiled at him. I realized then that I missed my sister, even if she was a handful. I missed bailing her out of trouble, but I didn't miss dad. And the two came in the same package. I couldn't have one without the other.

"What about you? Siblings?" I was genuinely curious.

"A brother. His name's Dean," He grinned, "he probably would get along with your sister, actually. He's a troublemaker, too."

We talked for a while about our family, but apparently the subject was sore for Sam, too, because we quickly got off of that subject. Eventually, Sam had to go to class. It seemed like the time had passed by much too quickly for my liking.

"I had fun," I smiled at him as I threw our coffee cups away. I turned to look at him, smiling as I did.

"I did, too, Ash." He looked me right in the eyes.

And again, I blushed.

"Sorry I keep blushing," I laughed, putting my hand on my face.

"Don't be," Sam said softly, "It's cute."

That, of course, made me blush harder. I looked up at him, smiling softly.

"Thanks," I whispered, looking into his eyes.

He looked down at me and smiled back.

"I should get to class" He nodded his head, "but we should do this again."

I grinned, "We should. Is tonight too soon?"

Sam raised his eyebrows at me, obviously amused. I laughed, knowing that it probably was too soon and I, the idiot I am, decided to rush things.

"Jess is going on a date tonight with Jason, who is in her sociology class. He's pretty nice, I guess. I just don't really want to be alone tonight." I started rambling, I did that when I got nervous, but I finally made my point, "Movie at my place?"

Sam laughed, adjusting his backpack, "Sounds good, Ashley."

I let out a sigh of relief and smiled at him. He waved as he walked away. I waved back and wondered why in the world was that boy still single.

After Sam and I went our separate ways, I started to look for a job. I looked all over campus... bookstores, shops, coffee shops, etc. All the jobs were basically filled until I walked into a cute little diner that was close enough to my apartment. I opened the door and walked inside. The bell on the door rang as it closed behind me.

"How many?" A teen with a bored expression on her face asked me. She didn't look too happy.

"I was wondering if you were hiring." I nervously squirmed as the girl went into the back and brought a short woman with bright red hair. She was about as tall as me, but her eyes were bright blue.

"Hello, you're interested in a job?"

I smiled at the little old woman and nodded, "Yes M'am. My name's Ashley Harding. I'm a freshman at Stanford and I'm in need of a job."

The woman looked me over and nodded, "Okay. I'm Louise. You start tomorrow."

I raised my eyebrows, "No interview?"

Louise smiled at me softly, reminding me of a mother.

"No, dear. I usually am a good judge of character. You're not a thief, I assume."

I quickly shook my head, "No m'am. I'm just in need of money to pay for my book and my apartment."

"Well, good. You're now officially a waitress." She smiled at me and shook my hand.

"Thank you so much, Louise!" I smiled back at her gratefully, "You don't know how much I appreciate this."

Louise just nodded and said, "Be here tomorrow around 3, okay? Does that interfere with your schedule?"

I shook my head, "No m'am. I'll be here."

I hadn't noticed but the teenager had gone into the back and got a uniform for me. She handed it to me and I thanked her. I thanked Louise again before turning to leave.

"Oh! Ashley was it?" Louise said, putting a hand on my shoulder, making me turn around.

I nodded and she continued, "I'm also in need of a singer for our stage up there," I looked and saw a small stage in the corner of the diner, "Wouldn't know anyone who's interested do you? It doesn't pay a lot, but..."

"I, um, can actually sing." I interrupted her; "I can do it when I'm not waitressing if you want."

I'm not sure what prompted me to do that, but it just felt right. I felt like I belonged on that stage, singing.

Louise smiled, letting out a sigh of relief, "Thank you, deary! Now, I'm trusting that you can actually sing..."

"Do you need me to audition?" I asked her, all the while hoping that I wouldn't have to.

"That'd actually be best, deary. My boss will have my head if I didn't make it seem like you auditioned."

I laughed, wondering why he doesn't mind her not having to interview people, but it isn't okay to not audition a singer, "That's okay, Louise. Thank you. I'll come tomorrow a little early and audition, okay?"

Louise pulled me into an unexpected hug. I hugged her back. She was nice and caring. I could tell I would get along great with her. As I walked home, it started to rain. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. I thought about my past as I let the rain wash over me. It was kind of washing me of my past. When I opened my eyes, I felt better than I had this morning—although I was soaked. I wasn't going to let my past take over my life. No, I was going to be a new person. I laughed and ran towards my apartment. I needed to get back to my music. After all, it's what I've been longing to do ever since I got here.


End file.
